So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize