my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
