At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
