YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize