capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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