He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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