like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize