Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
