Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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