He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
