Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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