He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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