I can tuck mytits in my pants
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
