I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
