i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
