quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I intend to get homeless drunk
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Couch. On fire.
Randomize