You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
