Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize