IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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