I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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