Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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