I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
