I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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