Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just gift wrapped bread.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
