Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
