Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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