Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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