can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
