Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
