i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
420 ftw
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
