shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
