I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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