Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
