i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize