i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
