seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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