i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize