your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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