My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
