I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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