I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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