just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I want a musical about memes.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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