It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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