I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
