It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
