I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Randomize
