Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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