Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
