he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
