I just saw a hot homeless man
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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