is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
