yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
