I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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