after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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