he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
