You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize