I skipped work to stalk him.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
