I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
