Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
love makes seman taste better
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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