Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
They are going to name an STD after you.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
