Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
