What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
