She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
