she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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