I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
