isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
