McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
