I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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