is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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