I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
