Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
