Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
