I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize