Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
