Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
