Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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