Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
