there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
