is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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