I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize