Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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