There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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