standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
