I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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