I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
