I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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