You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dicks are not precious.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
