It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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