the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
