My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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