so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
