turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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