Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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