She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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