I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You can't just leave with hair like that
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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