I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
